The healing of Black families and all that is tied to black families is in the details. We receive stories from our elders about how certain things connect, but there are crucial details that are left out of these stories.


It’s in the details that we will understand conflicts, feuds and curses. It’s in these details that we see who or what the real enemy is. Sometime it’s not just the person/spirit who is the enemy but also the circumstance they were in. This is not an excuse, but all facts count in making sense of things. We do all kinds of rituals to fix things, but we will be doing that forever if we don’t know the details.


The real fix is in us knowing what not to repeat. The circumstance can be forgiven for that period, but there’s still a 100% chance that it will be repeated because nobody shares the details of what happened. Our remedies will remain temporary placeholders


The lack of details causes us to overlook real questions like: Why & how did someone become umthakathi? Why and how did one become iDlozi elimbi? What happened in their life? What things were they dealt with that resulted in that bitterness. What trauma led them to the dark side? What pain?


What EXACTLY are we dealing with here? What stopped this and that from being done? What really happened?


There needs to be more transparency and context in the stories of black families. We need to get comfortable with telling our real stories. We need to open safe spaces for our stories and to BE safe spaces for these stories to be told.


The newer generation, in any period, doesn’t JUST get lost. Full stories are not told.




*Externally sourced image*

Published: 2020-09-02 - 14:59:15

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Sawubina Sisi Busi

Ngiyabonga kakhulu for the above. That’s what this is all about. There is a lot of trauma that has happened in my own life and family growing up, so when I read this text, I was automatically filling in those details as examples to support your statements. This conversation is so broad and unfortunately there are things like TV shows, music and other media tools that are used to portray us as a doomed race without finding the root and term it as entertainment because it has viewership. They purport to be helping the black community, using principles that they know abantu will have an idea of (whether religion or tradition); and then they strip us naked in public and leave us there. May your work thrive. May we do our part. Kwangathi singambulelwa sonke. Thokoza.

Comment by Wandi on 2020-10-03 at 11:05 am

Sawubona Wandi. Thank you so much for engaging and bringing an additional perspective. I agree with all you have said completely. I love that you were able to reflect on your own life too with regards to this.

Sengathi indlela zakho zingavuleka so you can continue discovering the truths and tools you need to go forward always.

Siyathokoza Khehla

Comment by Beautiful Mess on 2020-10-04 at 11:14 pm