One day I was penning down some of my feelings around something that triggers me, but instead of only looking at the pain and trauma that the trigger was highlighting, I was more interested in the part of me that was being suppressed when that pain or trauma was experienced.
What was being suppressed was my freedom, which is something that is dear to me, like most people. So instead of only expressing the ugly feelings that had been planted in me from that painful experience, I focused on how important freedom is to me and what it means for my life. Through this I was able to hold a healthier story about myself alongside the pain that I was addressing.
That is when it dawned on me that in facing my ugly, I can still trace out my beautiful. You don’t have to free fall into the rabbit hole of your nightmares only – the great plot twist is that the existence of your dark is not the absence of your light. The two exist in the same time and space and you have the power to direct your energy towards the one that will serve you.
Interrogate what it is that a pain pulled you away from or denied you of, this brings to the surface what it is that you actually love, desire and thrive on. There is a light of yours that was dimmed in those moments that crippled you, and you have the opportunity to access it by making it one of the things you focus on while also facing the hard truth of the pain.
Darkness has the power to swallow us up so much, that we don’t realise that it exists as a contrast to something else. It almost seems like the darkness is the only thing there is. Challenge yourself to find what that something else is too, because that is the light that your heart is really crying for and where you need to be. With that being brought to the surface, you will have access to the part of you that the pain covers up. Once you can see, talk to and about that version of yourself, you create the space for that version of you to live out. This is the point from where you break free from unseen shackles and avoid falling into the trap of victimisation.
We are often left with negative residues when we address that which rattles us; feelings of weakness, guilt or resentment arise too, leaving us even more sick. This is where alot of us get stuck; facing the truth about something only to be left with more anger and hurt to hold when we have fully confessed just how much something bent us over. Sometimes the anger and hurt become an attractive thing to hold onto because that feels more familiar, and perhaps seems even easier than the work that needs to be done to overcome them.
The power is in releasing the poison and filling yourself up with the light-filled truth of you. This is how you intentionally move from a lower vibration to a higher one. Again, the existence of your dark is not the absence of your light.
With all of this said, don’t make the mistake of trying to rush yourself out of the pain in an effort to heal – that’s not real and you will eventually feel it. The point is to face and feel the pain, with the awareness that there is also a light-filled truth about you that exists alongside it. You may have to have a few ugly sessions before you can hold both. What is important to know is that it is possible to hold both, and to then eventually let go of the darker one so that you can fully grasp who you are under the light of the sun.
Below is a quick step by step antidote to reflect on (It does take longer than it looks, give yourself time):
1. Acknowledge that something hurts you and express how it actually hurts you.
2. Ask yourself: What are the good things that it denies me of? What good things do I struggle to do because of this situation?
3. Focus on the story about yourself in relation to the answer/s that you reach from point 2. This is where you now bring awareness to the light-filled part of you.
4. Rinse and repeat point 3 until you have a stable view of what your higher vibration looks like.
This situation has made me hold this shadow version of who I am. But this is not who I am in completion.