Unlearning the dark stigma attached to amaDlozi is just a tip of the iceberg. There are many other elements to unlearn about the relationship we have with them.

For one: The relationship doesn’t have to be a dictatorship.

You, their child, can actually lead, teach and guide them too. Some of them hold toxic ideologies that were influenced by the conditions that they lived under. Many of them left this lifetime with these ideologies attached to their spirit. You do have the power to be their healer too and lead their spirits out of the damaging energy. You certainly can’t heal them all and fix everything, but it is important to know that you do have the option to instil more positivity. You are a co-creator and well within your rights to exercise a level of control in your relationship with them.

We live in a time that was different to theirs, so there are some instances where it is on YOU to advise and guide them so that you can all work in harmony. You too have experiences and thoughts that are worth raising. Guide them in keeping up with our times. Help them adapt.

Now of course, you shouldn’t be destructive or disrespectful with your autonomy. This is not for you to fulfill selfish and toxic desires. It’s NOT for you to try and disrupt/erase traditions. It’s not for you to stop listening. Your leadership must be supported with humility, wisdom and respect. Keep your ego in check always. Whatever case you present should ideally be something that serves your tribe collectively, not just you.

Some people are uncomfortable to engage with their ancestors because the elders have been unfairly painted as toxic and bullies. Our ancestors are not just broken, bitter and angry spirits that are out to make life hard. Yes some of them can be indeed, but this is not the only story to hold about them. If this is all that you think of your ancestors, perhaps its time for you to check the lens that you are viewing them through. I encourage you to also check if you are not imposing your own flaws on them.

You’d be surprised at how prepared they are to hear you out when you respectfully speak from the depth of your chest when connecting with them.

Let them experience the strength and intelligence that you have acquired in this lifetime. Feed them the very power that you inherited from them.

Give them better ideas to hold. You have more space than they did.

Step up to sometimes be their leader too. It’s a relationship.

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