I’M NOT AFRAID ANYMORE

There’s very little that I am afraid of anymore.

This is no longer my ego’s hard speech,

It’s music that now flows from my heart.

It is no longer something I try

to convince myself of.

It is what I can believe

and what really is.

My ego worries about this

and I understand that.

It only wants to take care of me,

but that’s the problem –

it is only me that it is concerned about.

I’m ready to care about more,

with no worries about the return –

just like my grandmother’s God.

So I keep telling my ego not to panic,

gently teaching it to trust my heart,

and the ways of my grandmother’s God.

I teach this gently,

because I understand that my beloved ego cares for me,

like the Creator told it to.

But we don’t have to be afraid of life anymore.

We can remain soft in this hard world.

We can love,

completely.

We can be this brave. 

It is the ones who remain soft,

despite it all,

that are victorious.

For they have not allowed themselves to be tainted.

This is the victory I now chase.

May they say I was a relentless warrior,

because I stayed soft.

May I say that I am strong,

because I can still offer white candles

to the ones who shove me in dark alleys.

I have washed what I was forced to become away,

asked true love to come back home,

and invited my grandmother’s God

to be mine again too.

I can see what she saw in this God.

I’m recalling what this God has always seen

in me.

I’m remembering it all.

At the end of the never-ending race,

when my Creator asks me who I am,

may I be able to truthfully say:

“I am still that light that you made me in.”

I am seeing less of my fists

and more of my palms. 

So this is what it really means to be fearless. 

I’m not afraid anymore.

Bring back all the candles of your heart.

Set them alight.

Dance to their child-like sways.

Let’s not be afraid anymore.